This whole stay at home mom thing...

     I can remember being a teen and saying that I COULD NEVER be a stay at home mom.  I wanted a career and my me time.  I was strongly independent.
     Once I had children,  this idea of staying home was even more undesirable to me.  I was the mom, I needed a break/vacation from it and the house.  How could I be at home all day with these kids.  I would have NO LIFE? 
     Forward seven years.   My PCOS is making work difficult and I just was needing a change, but what that was I had no clue.
     So, after reluctantly putting my kids in public school Chloe was having issues.   She was in second grade.  Her teacher would barely communicate with me.  She suggested that Chloe had some form of adhd and needed meds.  TEACHERS CAN SAY THAT!  I was unaware of that at the time.  She went on to say my child was in lala land, had no clue what was going on, but then said Chloe would  give non verbal clues to let her know that she knew the answers.  Which is it lady?
     I had Chloe tested by a top child psychologist in our town.  We did an interview together.   They saw that my Chloe could understand and use sarcasm very well and couldn't be tricked.  The child had me wanting to crawl under the couch at times.  She also did a play test and paper test.
     A week later, we received the results.  Chloe came back with that she was gifted,  her IQ higher than previously tested at and she needed to be in 4th grade by the public school standards she was in.  I was so relieved, but upset at how this teacher tried to write my child off and suggested to repeat the first grade.
     In that moment, I decided to homeschool Chloe while working full time.  I had lots of friends that did it.  I would have a great support system.   Chloe was excited for it.  I was scared as hell.  I withdrew her the first day back to school in January 2014.
     Chloe was so unsure of herself it broke my heart.  She was broken by the environment she was in at public school. She was afraid to make a mistake.  Public school opened my eyes to common core and how screwed up it was.  I made it worse by trying to make homeschool school at home.
     After a month of just tears and agony, we took a break.  I needed to rethink what I had gotten myself I to.  What about my child?  So, we deschooled for the next few months.  Nothing formal, more verbal and on site learning.  I was slowly getting my Chloe back.
     As this homeschool journey was starting,  I began to want to be there all the time. I wanted to raise my kids dull time,  not part time.  I wanted to enjoy every moment.   One day with Chloe, I was talking to her about a math concept and she finally got it.  She lit up like a Christmas tree and was so happy and proud of herself!  I did not want to miss that moment anymore.  I had to be a stay at home mom and homeschool full time.
     I ended up buying a business that I could run absentee owner, but my bosses at the agency didn't see it that way and made me resign.  I sort of had an out of body experience at that moment.   The way I was let go wasn't on the up and up I found out, but I am not a retaliation type person anymore.  God doesn't like ugly and that's all I will say about that.
     So, I was unemployed.   Well, not exactly;  I had this business.  I loved it.  Things were going were going great until my PCOS kicked up ten notches and forcing me on my back along with some unfortunate circumstances that unfolded at the same time leaving me back at square one.
     I am now homeschooling both girls.  This is the second year with both.  We are slowly building a great rhthym.  We are still very non traditional, in my opinion.   I do not buy a big box curriculum.   I tell them,"you have to know math, reading, writing" the rest will fall into place. 
     My support system is smaller than when I started.   I have family talk about me and my children and saying that I am harming their development.   This hurts, but they have no clue. They do not see the progress we are making and the knowledge they are obtaining. If my naysayers would educate themselves on public education vs. What I can facilitate as a homeschool mom, then I would be open for a discussion. Until then, they can kick rocks.
     Right now, we are living life.  I explained that if they wanted to; they could graduate school early.  They like this in theory.   Some days, they will work for several hours to get a lot done and then slack a day.  I do not force the extra work.  It's up to them.
     I am loving being a stay at home mom!  My husband finally supports this move and we are ok.  We are learning to simplify our life and passing it onto our kids.  We are having more family time and that time is also used to educate our children.
     Where do I want this to go?  I want to road school!  Jump in the car/rv and drive this country learning about all it's wonders and experience it with my children. No tuition would ever be able to pay for that experience!

Jess
    
    
      

PCOS is a bit%#! My crazy health journey

     This post is about my journey with PCOS and what I have done in my journey to get to present day.  Its a little long, so grab a mug of tea and get comfy.
     Like I mentioned in my into post, I was officially diagnosed with PCOS (polycyctic ovarian syndrome) about 2 years after the birth of my second child.  I really didn't think much of it, why not?  I wasn't having periods!  Those were always painful for me and I did not miss them at all.  So, around age 29, I noticed that I was really piling on weight.  It did not make any sense.  I ate fairly well and exercised.  Then all of a sudden, I was looking pregnant.  Nothing I did worked.  My doctor was even stumped as to why I was gaining weight.
     Along with the weight, my emotions were ALL OVER the place.  I was sad, distant, withdrawn, basically a nut case.  I was even starting to miss time, forgetting things.  This was really starting to scare me.  One day, I was so overcome by my sadness and despair that I couldn't stop crying.  I called my dad immediately.  He went through my high school depression with me and was the only one that I trusted to "deal" with me.  He came and got me and my girls and took me to his house.  We left the girls with my grandma and went for a drive.  I can't let my girls see me that way.  I felt in that moment that I could not be an effective mother and that made me feel so helpless.  I expressed this to my dad and he reassured me that me asking him for help was a step of strength and not to doubt myself.
     During all of this, my husband is present.  He wasn't the rock and voice of reason that I needed.  He would name my personalities as he experienced my roller coaster of emotions. When I was being a crazy bitch so to speak, he named me Sharon. He is just someone that is not very empathetic.  I do not blame him at all for that.  He dealt with a lot growing up and is still growing to be the full rock that I need.
     So, I called the doctor, made an appointment.  We spoke and I was evaluated.  I was prescribed Zoloft.  At the same time, my best friend at the time going through a divorce was also prescribed Zoloft.  It was reassuring that we were prescribed the same thing and could give the other a pill if we forgot to take them since we worked together.  Soon, I became numb.  I wasn't happy or sad, just existing.  Something had to change.
     At 30, I did what everyone else does when needing life altering answers... I GOOGLED!  I googled pcos and depression.  I came across a website that suggested a gluten free diet.  I read the forum post about how all these women did it and dropped weight.  Many said that they felt awesome.  So, I figured why not?  This is the very start of my whole REINVENTION.
     When I told my husband that I was going to try gluten free, he looked at me like I was crazy!  I went through the cupboard and through away everything with gluten!  If momma was going gluten free, the family would too.  I refuse to cook two separate meals and make more dishes to wash. I started buying gluten free items and experimenting with gluten free pasta.  Pasta is my weakness!  I love love love just about any pasta dish.  Rice pasta is gross!  Its too gummy!  It took about 6 months to find a good blend, but I prefer the pasta blends that have quinoa in them.  Corn pasta is ok.
     In the beginning, I was very strict with gluten.  Within three months, I was able to come off of the Zoloft!!!  I found that gluten triggered my emotions and mood swings.  I wasn't losing weight, but my mood swings were in check without antidepressant medications! So, for the past two years I have stayed about 90/95% gluten free.  The wheatier something is, the more it triggers my mood swings.
     I was feeling better by being gluten free and not having as much inflammation.  I am a full believer that gluten free diets can be a fad and not for everyone, but it has helped me on my journey to managing my PCOS.  As I thought about how I was able to eliminate a pill by diet changes, what else could I do diet wise to help with my symptoms.  Next, I went to label reading and ingredients.
     I starting researching and realized that I needed and it made sense to go as all natural and organic as possible.  SO, as I did when I went gluten free, I rounded up all my pantry items that were not natural ingredients and donated them to a food bank.  I discovered that A LOT of my gluten free items WERE NOT that great after all!  Lots of artificial crap was in them to make them taste good.         This was another battle with my husband who LOVES junk foods!  I started teaching the kids to read labels.  My rule for grocery shopping is if they can't pronounce the ingredient then its probably bad!  This saves us a lot of fussing at the store.  They can recognize artificial colors and will grab a box off the shelf, look at the label, and put it back with a long face, lol!  I do get many compliments from parents watch my kids.  Some do give me the stink eye every now and then, but as I walk by their cart, I cringe by just by looking in their cart and knowing what all those chemicals in their food are doing.
     After my natural and organic food detox began, I was getting less headaches and seeing a decline in some of my symptoms.  I also noticed that Chloe, my oldest child was not having as many emotionally charged outburst.  I tested my theory and let her have junk one weekend and oh my!  I wanted to drink myself to sleep and run away!  Needless to say, I am very vocal about what people give my children.  We have been all natural and organic for a little over a year now.
         In March of 2014, I was introduced to essential oils.  I fell in love!  My inner hippie was jumping for joy!  I was able to replace my migraine medication and kick my morning coffee habit!  I have also replaced ALL over the counter medications!  I was also introduced to coconut oil.  What can I sat about coconut oil?  I put that on EVERYTHING!  I started oil pulling and have taught my kids to as well.  I have been able to heal cavities with oil pulling and essential oils.
      If going all natural with food has done this, what about the rest of my body?  Around October of 2014, I went natural with toothpaste, deodorant, hair care and dish & laundry detergent, cleaning products. I love the rock crystal deodorant!  The first one that works and I do not smell like a goat!  I definitely have seen a dramatic change since doing this.  After a month, I started having some cramping and what I call "mini cycles".  It was like my body was waking up!!!  My memory was getting a little better.
     This brings us up to present day.  Just over the past few months, we have been more strict about the meats we buy and as much organic as possible.  I refuse to buy packaged sandwich meat with preservatives and so on.  My husband is FINALLY on board with buying grass fed, no hormones/antibiotics.
     The past year has been hard on me.  Where I have made great progress, I have had some set backs.  I am starting to get what the doctors call "hormone surges".  My body is over making what I wasn't making and it was throwing my body out of whack.  Imagine have vertigo, amnesia and some affects of a stroke and not having any strength.  Kind of like that.  I was hospitalized a few times through out the year.  Right now, I am having problems sleeping and dealing with extreme fatigue at times. I am currently waiting on test results from my thyroid and for vitamin deficiency.  Depending what the results say, we may need to test for narcolepsy since it does run in my family.
     When my blood work comes back, my sugar, cholesterol and all of that comes back textbook perfect!  This is what makes each case of PCOS so hard to treat.  Each woman who deal with this has different symptoms and reacts to therapies differently.  I am currently taking a water pill that blocks testosterone.  It seems to be working.  I am not growing dark hair all over as I was and my mustache is manageable.  Seriously, I just said that.  I also started taking a supplement twice a day a few weeks ago that is suppose to help with my insulin resistance.  I hope to start seeing some results within a few weeks.  I am so tired of looking pregnant.  I have grown to call it my "perma pregnant belly" or "old man gut".

Jess